Just Breathe

21. Canadian. I listen to a lot of different music, have terrible self esteem and smoke a lot of pot. Cigarettes are a turn off.

Everyone is upstairs for the barbeque. I was up there for an hour. I didn’t talk to anyone; all conversation was about stuff I knew nothing about. I didn’t start any conversation as I didn’t know or didn’t care for most of the people there.
Now most of the people have left, so its just my sister, her partner, and a two of her best friends. They sound like theyre having fun. I hate it.
I’m down here, pacing my suite, beating the shit out of my fridge and myself and doing anything to distract myself. I don’t know what fun feels like. I don’t know happy. I never have. It isn’t fair. I don’t fit it. I can’t.
Since starting this stupid medication and not being able to go to work, I can’t drink and I have no money. I have nothing to help me pretend to fit in. All I can do is sit down here alone and wish. Wish I was able to do something other than blast music from my iPod so loud that it hurts and so that I can’t hear them. Wish I didn’t have to pretend to be alone to lessen the hate I feel for myself.
Starting to get help was supposed to make me stop wanting to kill myself; not make it that much of a better option.

rollingstone: Trent Reznor is a network of balanced contradictions – and all the richer for it. His music can be as abrasive as chain saws or as melodious as birds – often in the same four minutes. Until The Fragile, he worked almost exclusively with machines but expertly wrung earthy warmth from their chips and bits. As much as his music screams “Fuck you,” it whispers “Love me.” It can sound simple, but it is meticulously crafted and complexly programmed. Reznor uncorks chaos but has the intelligence to harness it. As industrial, distorted and thrashing as Nine Inch Nails are, there is an inherent groove to the music that can’t be learned – like Prince, like Sly Stone. Happy 48th birthday Trent Reznor!

rollingstone:

Trent Reznor is a network of balanced contradictions – and all the richer for it. His music can be as abrasive as chain saws or as melodious as birds – often in the same four minutes. Until The Fragile, he worked almost exclusively with machines but expertly wrung earthy warmth from their chips and bits. As much as his music screams “Fuck you,” it whispers “Love me.” It can sound simple, but it is meticulously crafted and complexly programmed. Reznor uncorks chaos but has the intelligence to harness it. As industrial, distorted and thrashing as Nine Inch Nails are, there is an inherent groove to the music that can’t be learned – like Prince, like Sly Stone.

Happy 48th birthday Trent Reznor!

kikiarty:

what i mean when i call a character perfect is “wow look at how flawed you are, how broken and three dimensional and well written. look how much of a disaster you are and how you are constantly torn between right and wrong and you make so many mistakes along the way wow look how human you are”

so basically when i say they are perfect what i mean is thank god they aren’t 

(via altliviadunhams)